Editor on My Back

I have an internal editor that never shuts off, never goes to sleep, never leaves me alone.  Just this first sentence kept me awake for about an hour last night.  Once I lay my head down in bed, I am hard pressed to get up again to do anything except go to the bathroom.  I have been learning though that if I have an idea that just seems to not go away, or something that my mind has clamped onto with little piranha teeth, if I sit down and write it out in a stream of consciousness fashion even with the editor on my shoulder I feel better and can get on with my day, or get to sleep as the case may be.  It seems like I have had this issue for a very long time.  When I was working on my Bachelor’s degree in English Literature every paper I wrote was a struggle between getting the broad ideas down and the editor inside me wanting a finished product on the first go around.  After I graduated I went back to the university and took several creative writing classes.  While it gave me several more editors to worry about I could never get a first draft down without at least a couple revisions in the process.  To put this in further perspective, I did not have a home computer; I wrote everything down longhand then used a computer at school or at work.  To say these written manuscripts were a mess would be an understatement.  If I went back today to look at them, I doubt I would be able to decipher what was being written or in what order it was suppose to be in.  In the last couple of years I have been trying to use the computer to do any type of journaling I might feel inspired to do.  I still have the editor looking for the most appropriate word or correcting every spelling error instead of just waiting until the general thought was finally down.  As an example two sentences ago, “In the last couple of years . . .” started out as “Today”, then got changed to “Recently”, then ended as it is written.  And that all happened before the sentence was even complete.  I don’t know if anyone else suffers from this affliction.  It would be nice to know I wasn’t the only one.  I am hoping that if I can write regularly about what is going on in the world around me I will be able to cage the editor somewhat and let loose the free flow of ideas and observations that I ache to get get down on paper and share with the others.


About princessdeloso

I do many things. I even write about some of them.
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